[BEING CANCER FREE WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH]
In a galaxy far far away (not so long ago), I was sick. Very sick. Sick as in “lets-have-the-conversation-about-my-funeral-with-my-husband” sick.
Fortunately, after lots of stuff got pumped into my body, after many hospital stays, blood transfusions and scary moments I was declared DISEASE FREE, or as they say in cancerland “NED” (no evidence of disease).
The journey that brought me from stage IV cancer to disease free was finished. I was told to go on with my life.
During the months of treatment I kept dreaming of that moment, about hearing the words. The day came and I felt everything but healthy.
I was finally disease free. My body had evicted the unwelcome cancer, but how come I did not feel healthy?
I wanted to regain my health and vibrancy. I wanted energy. I wanted the pain to be gone. I wanted to feel womanly and sexy. I wanted to run and feel strong. I wanted life.
The first step towards health was clearing my mind through meditation. I learned how to live in the PRESENT and that allowed me to stop crying over my past, grieving about what cancer had taken away, and as importantly, I also stopped worrying about my future, which in my case included a high chance of a relapse and all the “what if’s” that would follow.
Make no mistake, by surrendering my future and fears it did not mean that I was not going to actively take care of my well-being. I knew there were steps I could take to reduce my risks of a relapse and to make my survivorship the best possible one.
My well meaning doctors wanted to give me pills, lots of it. I did not want them anymore.
By learning how to be truly present, I started actively practicing gratitude for that moment.
Taking care of my health and mind allowed me that healthy present moment.
I knew I also needed a diet and lifestyle change.
Chemo left so much “leftovers”. I developed a clotting disorder; I had hands and feet neuropathy. I ached. I was tired. I was moody. I was absent minded.
I knew by providing my body the proper nutrition, my body could then heal itself naturally.
And so it did.
I threw away everything that I knew about nutrition and I re-learned what eating well meant. I de-constructed what my body needed. I eliminated. And then I put it back. I discarded the notion that I needed to count and measure everything. I welcomed food groups that had become foreign to me.
I slept. I rested. I slowed down. I redefined success and fortune.
I avoided negativity and drama. I practiced self-care. I moved my body. I cooked.
I forgave. I loved.
I knew my body was unique and that it needed an unique approach. It took time and patience but I feel better than ever.
Better than before.
Like my favorite definition of health goes: ” Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”
After many years being disease free, I finally feel healthy.
with deep gratitude to the people that held my hand and continue to do so,
Follow me here